This was not a good day. The weather was amazing, as it has been this entire winter in Seattle, so i decided to go to the University of Washington to do some photography of the blooming cherry blossoms. Walking up the hill to get to the bus, my legs were weak and tight and because of my weakening heart, it seemed to take more of an effort. By the time i reached the bus stop, i felt as if i had walked several miles.
i know my heart is dangerously unhealthy, but i refuse to allow that to stop me from the limited living i do. My chest was hurting and i was walking slowly. i know my life will be over soon, i'm not scared, just pissed at what a waste my life has been.
My depression is getting worse, not because of my health, but i just miss my SADDI so much. i wonder when i die if i will see her again. Hollywood has teased me into believing that there is something beyond this life. i don't know. If there is, all i want, or need, is to spend it with SADDI.
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