These past several months that i have been alone and housebound, i've had a lot of time struggling with my thoughts ... too often drifting into the negative.
One of the things i have been thinking about is if i lived a dream, because the reality just doesn't seem possible. If it wasn't for pictures and video's, all my memories i would have thought were from a movie or belonged to someone else.
i once had a best friend who loved me, even with all my faults. Someone who was excited to see me, even if i had just stepped out for a second to get the mail. Someone who put up with my moods, understood my tears, made me laugh and taught me to cherish the simple things in life. i once had someone who when she turned and smile at me, my heart would melt every time. Someone who would stare at me while i ate, with her eyes demanding something off my plate, even when she had something special waiting in her bowl. She had to share with me. When i pretended to ignore her by reading the newspaper, she would stand in front of me, adjusting her stand so that her nails clicked on the floor. Or let out a heavy sigh, to let me know she was there. Or put her front paws on the chair, between my legs and use her nose to push the down the newspaper so i would pay attention to her. i once had someone that would take my place in bed, if i had to get up in the middle of the night, ensuring my place was warm for when i returned. Someone who slept so close to me, i could feel her breathing against my belly. i once had someone who i could look into her soft brown eyes and know what she wanted.
As time passes since she has been gone, the million of memories don't fade. Not because of the pictures and video's ... but because of the love we shared for one another.
SADDI, i miss you so much.
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