Summer Lost

We're about a week away from autumn 2015, where did the summer go?

Seems i have completely lost an entire season dealing with, once again, my leg issues.  Again.  For the most part, i have lost the past three years, being in the hospital (24 times in three years), bandages and a cast that limited me in the distances i could walk and just feeling weak from the abuse i have given my body for the diabetes.

What this has done for Devon is unfair too.  But he has found some new friends that allowed him to venture away from me to have some fun.

Now without part of my leg, i try to be patient while it heals so that i, we, can live again.  i'm told it will happen, but this always comes from people who are freely able to come and go as they please.  i just to move a few feet to get to the bathroom in time.

The depression is overwhelming, but i am keeping it within and putting on a mask for others.  i sit on the sofa all day getting bored with daytime TV.   When Devon goes to bed, i can cover my head with a blanket and cry in the loneliness on the sofa where i should be sleeping.  

In the middle of the night i am awakened by the need to roll over.  But with part of my leg missing, it's stupidly difficult.  Or if i need to go to the bathroom, i have to sit on the sofa arm for a bit to wake up, or my 'good' leg isn't awake, strong enough, to get me the few feet to the bathroom.  And then i sit there for a few minutes waking up, gaining strength to lift myself up, safely, to be able to go back to bed.  The whole time trying to walk quietly, with my walker, so as not to wake Devon up.

i really don't anymore of my life to be lost or wasted, but how much time do i have remaining in this life after the damage i have already done to myself?