Devon Yan Berrong
Devon was on KOMO news talking about his clothing collection
DEVONATION and being the winner of this years
2016 Bellevue Collection Independent Designer Runway Fashion Show
Not Even In My Own Home
Devon's mom is visiting from China again. i wasn't asked, i was just told. The last time she came for a visit, she said she was staying for a couple of weeks, but when she landed at the airport, she told us she was staying for 6 months. She didn't ask, she just told us.
It was difficult the last time she was here because she seemed only willing to do things her way. It took about 4 months to get her to wash her hands before preparing meals. But she only did it when she was being washed. She didn't know i was standing behind her once and she just splashed her hands in water
This time i really stressed that she had to wash her hands because of my open wound and ease to get infections. So far she has been doing okay. Except having to be reminded after putting her hands in the trash she had to wash her hands. The trash is full of my medical waste.
Because of my on going issues with the leg amputation, i sleep on the sofa, just feet away from the kitchen. His mom, who only cooks for her and Devon, seemed to think it was okay to wait until i went to bed to come down and start cooking. Leaving the smell of food lingering in the house, which is difficult to sleep with, especially since i have had to cut back on meals so there is food for Devon and his mom.
Also, since it is darker sooner, even though the TV and all the lights were off and i was laying on the sofa, she thought it was okay to turn on the kitchen light which shined on me.
The other night, while on a phone interview for a job, she decided to cook dinner. The more she tried not to make noise, the louder she was. Making it very difficult for me to hear or concentrate on the phone call. After i hung up, i held the phone up, trying to show her i was on it ... which she knew. She doesn't speak any English and i don't speak any Chinese ... we have to translate through Devon.
i was pissed. In my own home, i am not allowed any privacy.
So after trying to express how upset i was, i wheeled myself outside and sat on the porch. i could hear her eating dinner, because she always bangs the spoon/fork against the bowl/plate. After she was done, she stomped upstairs and slapped the bedroom door and made a call. Sitting outside i could hear her screaming on the phone. Since it was so cold out, i wheeled myself back inside.
When Devon came home from work, she told him that i was so rude and of course, he came down and took everything out on me. Like he always does with his so-called friends when they disrespect me.
Devon's mom seems to forget, even though she has been reminded numerous times, this is our house and she is a temporary guest. One night we tried talking to her about leaving food out ... again ... and she just turned away and kept eating. Several times she has shown me disrespect, but i guess that's okay because she is Devon's mom.
Devon put it into his head that i don't like her, which i never said. i don't respect her because she shows no respect. When she was here the last time, she went back to China 5 days before Devon's 30th birthday. Even when she was told someone was coming into the house to check the fire alarms, she had her underwear hanging off the bed post in the room she is staying in, which she didn't keep clean.
It's so frustrating that even though i pay the rent, the food and all the bills, that i am not even allowed privacy within my own home. She doesn't respect it and after the cruel things Devon said to me, like he always does, he doesn't get it either.
That night, after the phone incident and being yelled at by Devon, i sat alone in the dark and just cried. i honestly don't know what else to do. If i remain silent, simple basic things she should know as a woman of 60, but doesn't do, i could be putting my health at risk. If i say something, then i am considered rude and she goes off telling everyone what i did ... likely not what she does ... Devon does the same thing.
All i can do is just hope SADDI calls for me and brings me to her ... very soon.
S A D D I
i love you so much SADDI
Lately i have thinking a lot about the 13.5 years
SADDI and i shared together.
Simple things.
Things other people wouldn't even give a second thought to.
But since my life has never been blessed with true
human friends, i devoted more time to SADDI and i.
i only wish i had given enough more time to her.
And less time to humans i thought were friends.
Or who i thought cared.
Whenever i felt down, confused, scared or unsure,
i always had SADDI there to comfort me.
Even though we couldn't speak to one another,
she still said so much to me with her eyes and the love she gave me.
When i was laid off my job,
i went home on the bus feeling numb.
When i returned home, SADDI greeted me with excitement,
completely unaware of what had happened.
i put on her leash and we took a walk to the waterfront.
Seeing SADDI's smile and the skip in her walk,
i realized everything was going to be okay.
Nothing mattered, just us.
SADDI has been gone for 7 years now,
the realities of life has me so scared.
Uncertain.
And i am alone.
All i have are our memories.
When i want to cry, i think of her smile.
i remember how she cuddled so closely against me.
i still want to cry but i can do so with a smile on my face.
Words cannot truly be expressed how much i miss SADDI.
If tomorrow i could be promised to be with SADDI again,
i would gladly leave this life.
But no one knows what happens after we die.
So for now, i will stay in this pathetic life,
living in my memories
and hoping i can soon have the health to honor SADDI.
SAISAR unlimited foundation
proving treats, blankets and needed supplies
for doggies living on the streets with their humans
D E V O N
i am so very proud of Devon
Tonight (09/22/10) he won!!!
He was picked out of 8 other designers
Though he has always been praised for his fashions,
this was his first win in a competition.
He is still a little out of focus,
tired from working his full time job
and many late nights working on 10 pieces for the show,
i don't think he truly realizes what he has accomplished yet.
He won $5000 and his pieces will be on
display in the Bellevue shopping mall for a month.
Bellevue, a high class area just outside of Seattle.
Devon has always worked so hard on his collections,
it is wonderful he is receiving even more acclaim.
May this only be the beginning.
Is life worth living?
feeling overly reflective
questioning everything
believing nothing
after 54 years and realizing i have no real friends
and accepting i don't need any
the silence in my life is overwhelming
but I have become use to it
and if i live until
tomorrow i will ensure i live for me
S A D D I
In 1998, my entire family rejected me because of their ignorance towards my being gay.
In 2009, SADDI died from cancer.
In all these years, i have never cried over my family.
Everyday i cry over missing SADDI so much.
New Start
Today, September 13, 2016 was my first outing using my wheelchair which i only received a couple of days ago. i was nervous, more so embarrassed having attention towards me because of the wheelchair. Getting to the bus stop was easy, it's a slight downhill journey. i actually got down there a lot quicker than i thought i would. The bus ride downtown was exciting, as i have not been down there in nearly a year, whereas before losing my leg, i was downtown many times during the week.
i had to go downtown because i am desperately in need of a job. We have no income now and i have always paid the rent and bills. i don't like to think of myself as disabled, but while looking for a job, i will take advantage of this wheelchair.
My infection wound is healing nicely and i should be able to wear my prosthetic in a couple of months. i have been exercising and really watching my diet, with my blood sugar numbers being excellent, so that is helping the healing, physically and emotionally.
After my trip downtown, from the bus stop 2 1/2 blocks away, i struggled to get home. It's all upward. i took many breaks and pushed myself backwards most of the way. At one point, about a block away from home, i called our neighbor, Anne, just to take a breather, but she couldn't understand me because i was breathing so heavily. So she came out and help me the rest of the way. The next time i have to go out, i am going to turn a different way of coming home ... but it's mostly steep downhill.
i use my good foot to help me along, but i am worried i might cause some damage to that foot. But i don't really have any other choice, i have to work so we can survive.
i had to go downtown because i am desperately in need of a job. We have no income now and i have always paid the rent and bills. i don't like to think of myself as disabled, but while looking for a job, i will take advantage of this wheelchair.
My infection wound is healing nicely and i should be able to wear my prosthetic in a couple of months. i have been exercising and really watching my diet, with my blood sugar numbers being excellent, so that is helping the healing, physically and emotionally.
After my trip downtown, from the bus stop 2 1/2 blocks away, i struggled to get home. It's all upward. i took many breaks and pushed myself backwards most of the way. At one point, about a block away from home, i called our neighbor, Anne, just to take a breather, but she couldn't understand me because i was breathing so heavily. So she came out and help me the rest of the way. The next time i have to go out, i am going to turn a different way of coming home ... but it's mostly steep downhill.
i use my good foot to help me along, but i am worried i might cause some damage to that foot. But i don't really have any other choice, i have to work so we can survive.
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