Because Devon has never known the pain of the death of someone close to him, I have been forced to be strong for him to go through his emotions, while holding my own need to grieve back. I need to feel my overwhelming pain in not having the love of my life in my life anymore.
SADDI is the best thing that has ever happen to me. SADDI is the best part of me. If it wasn't for SADDI, I would have ended my life a long time ago. SADDI loved and protected me through my entire families betrayal of me when I finally accepted the truth of being gay. SADDI loved and protected me when my cruel former partner, Jaye, physically and emotionally abused me. SADDI was confused when Jaye went into his rages, but when it was all over, she always found me and stayed close to me. And when Jaye was exited from our life and began his lies, stealing people from my own life, SADDI never left my side, because she loves me and also knows the truth. SADDI laid by me when I was sick. When life had tried to drain me, I was always given a surge of energy by just knowing SADDI would be home when I returned. Her barking at me as I entered the door, her own way of saying how upset she was that I left her but with that tail waging at great speed, SADDI was also telling me how happy she was we were together again. True faithful love entered our world when Devon arrived, SADDI knew that Devon was special and it was love at first sight for both of them. However, SADDI always had to remind Devon that she comes first. When Devon and I hugged or cuddled, SADDI was right there to push between us. Even if it meant pulling Devon away from me with her paws and when there was a slight opening between Devon and I, SADDI would jump into it so she was part of the cuddle. And when SADDI became sick, she used her limited energy to comfort me. Her pace had slowed, but she always wanted our nightly walks where we would find a quiet spot to sit on the grass under the stars and I would tell her about all our special memories. I even talked to her about the new memories we would make when she was better. But those were just wishful thoughts, because she never got better. Even as I held her in my arms as she was dying, SADDI used her limited energy and lifted her paw to place it on my hand before she passed away.
I have so many emotions that need to be felt, but what is most true is when I think of SADDI, I always smile through my tears. The bond between SADDI and I is an envy from many who seek a friendship and love that is as beautiful and true as ours. My life today will never be the same and I will always feel a deep emptiness, but at the same time, SADDI is still comforting me with all the love we shared and the many memories we gathered together. I will cry and I will hurt so much, but I will also be so proud as to say that I know who my soulmate is and it is a beautiful little girl named Saisar SADDI Berrong.
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