SADDI news

Tuesday night, when I laid on the bed, Saddi was soundly sleeping and didn't move to cuddle with me right away. So I just held her soft curly tail and worried about the doctors appointment she would have the following day. My thoughts went negative as to if this was the last night I would sleep cuddled with my baby girl. I cried silently so as not to bother Devon in the next room. But Saddi awoke and looked at me, slowly getting up she laid down closely against me, where she didn't move all night.

Since the pills weren't working to reduce the growth, and Saddi has basically stopped eating, Devon and I borrowed our dear friend Helen's car and took Saddi back to the doctor. We were being scheduled to see another vet, but they decided it would be best if we just returned to where Saddi was seen before. It was not an appointment I wanted to go to, but for Saddi's sake I had no other choice. We detoured on our way there to drive through Sauives Island where Saddi always gets excited to see the horsey's. But while driving over there, Saddi laid down and didn't get up. When we reached the farms, both devon and I called out "HORSEY" which always perked Saddi up and she would bark endlessly at them. But today she just laid in the backseat, no energy to get up. So I got out of the car and opened the backdoor so she could look out and see the three beautiful horses eating nearby. Saddi just looked at them with no reaction, so I knew I could no longer delay this trip to the doctor.

When we arrived, I left Saddi and Devon in the car to ensure no one was in the waiting room, to respect Saddi's condition as I want as few people to see her like this as possible. I explained to the front desk that I am extremely fragile in my emotions and thanked them for the last time we were there and how everyone was so kind. We brought Saddi inside and weighed her. Devon and I already knew it, just by seeing and feeling her, but Saddi has lost 5 pounds since her last visit a month ago. We then sat in the doctors office for quite awhile until the door finally opened. The first thing he said was "WoW, that is ugly". I felt as though we were back at Dove Lewis where we were so belittled and treated so poorly. This was a different doctor than who we saw the last time and completely different approaches to speaking to us. This doctor made us feel horrible for waiting to bring Saddi back, even though the first doctor told us to wait a month or more to see if the pills would work on the growth. But clearly that first doctor, who we thought was so kind, had given us false hope about what the pills could do. The doctor we saw today said there was no chance a growth this size would shrink with just pills and we now only had two options; put Saddi to sleep or try surgery. At Saddi's age (13) and as weak as she is, surgery could be very tough for her to recover, but he also felt her would be able to get all of the cancer and Saddi would loose a few teeth. The cancer could always come back later too. Surgery around the mouth is very difficult since there is no extra skin to work with, but he felt confident he would get it all. My head lower in the shame he made me feel in not bring Saddi in sooner, I asked him what he would do. Would surgery be good for Saddi or do we have no other choice than to put her to sleep? As I said that I saw my tears falling onto Saddi's leg. The doctor said he felt the best option would be the surgery. Devon, knowing I was not in any condition to speak, really showed how strong he has become and began asking all the right questions. How much? How long of a recovery? The chances the cancer could come back? I listened with great pride, but never took my eyes off of Saddi. The doctor left the room to add up the cost of the surgery and I reached out for Devon's hand and I played with Saddi's fur with my other hand. Devon said he would just use the money from his recently sold paintings to pay for the surgery. There was no questioning about it, he said that is what he would do. I couldn't say anything, since there is basically nothing I can do or say without having any resources for income.

After receiving the quote for the surgery, we were told there would be no charge for the visit we just had. So we walked Saddi back out to the car, but she seemed to have trouble getting inside. Her energy level is so low, I had to lift her inside. We then drove over to Healthy Pets, that our friend Shelley told us about. Shelley said there is a woman who works there and knows everything about herbs and special foods for dogs. Well, Shelley was right. We met Julie, at Healthy Pets, and explained our situation to her and she began sharing information left and right. She suggested so many things and gave us free samples to try. She told us to stay away from carbs as cancer clings to them. Well, one of Saddi's favorite treats is rice, but if cancer is going to cling to that, no more rice for Saddi. Julie also suggested we buy Saddi some baby food since it is soft to eat and mix it with some of the samples she gave us to build back Saddi's energy. She really seemed to care and wanted us to check back in with her after Saddi's surgery.

Today, we also heard from Marty Davis, publisher/owner of Portland's GLBTQ newspaper. Marty offered to call the vet and give them free advertising in Just Out in exchange for part of our bill. When I read Marty's offer, my eyes filled with tears, I was just so overwhelmed by her kindness in doing this for us.

Devon and I brought Saddi home before leaving once again to do a bit of grocery shopping. Saddi just sniffed the chicken in her bowl and then drank a bunch of water. I heard the clicking of her long toes nails going into the bedroom and then it sounded as though she was going in circles, so I went in to check on her. Saddi wasn't able to get up onto the bed. I encouraged her, but she was only able to get her front paws onto the bed. So I kissed her head as I gently lifted her back legs onto the bed. It was a tough day on her, so she quickly drifted off to sleep, that is until she heard Devon and i getting ready to leave again. She jumped off the bed and seemed ready to go with us, but I really wanted her to just rest and said we'd be back later. She walked over to the dining room door, with the window in it, and watched us leave. As we always do, we turned back and waved. Later when we returned home, Saddi didn't seem to care much. She had made it back onto the bed herself and she was comfortable.

Saddi goes into surgery next Tuesday morning and will be able to return home that night. Devon and I will stay with her all day on Wednesday, but on Thursday Devon works at the gallery and leaves that night for a conference in Seattle until Sunday. I wont leave Saddi that entire time. Her recovery will be slow, but I just look forward to cuddling with her. If she has the energy, playing in the backyard and of course, our nightly walks.

Speaking of our nightly walks, last night I knew Saddi was tired and weak, but also knew she would want her walk. As soon as I walked into the bedroom and turned on the light, she was standing up. So we headed out, but just for a short walk since it was chilly outside. As we turned to come back home, Saddi stopped on the grass and stood there. At first I thought she was questioning going to the bathroom or not, but then she laid down. I knew she was too weak to go on, so I bent down and picked her up and carried her across the street. But she started fighting to be let down. We walked a bit more and she stopped again, looking up at me, so I picked her up again and she rested her head on my shoulder. Once we reached he driveway, I asked if she wanted to walk down the hill, which is easier on both of us, sure enough we both made it down the slight hill and into the house. But I knew she had to have something to eat, so I began preparing the baby food when I noticed someone coming up to our front door at 9:30pm. It was our friend Anita with an arm load of bags from Safeway and she said there was more in the car. I finally had to get Devon's help. While they unloaded, I went to see if Saddi would eat the baby food, well, she nearly ate the spoon I was feeding her it to her with. Back to Anita, she read about our situation and wanted to help. But, she went way beyond helping. We had just bought some food today, but Anita overwhlemed our fridge, freezer and shelves. She didn't stay long but before going handing Devon a check for his art supply needs and one to me that more than covered Saddi's surgery. We tired to tell her no, but she refused to listen. We thanked and hugged her and she went home. Devon and I stood in the kitchen speechless. While I put away the food, I asked Devon if he would see if Saddi would eat more baby food and of course she did. Anita brought overy some Paul Newman dog food we will offer Saddi tomorrow and I will stop at the store on Friday to get more baby food. Right now, I am just overwhlemed with several emotions.

Speaking of which, it is almost that time, so I better get ready before Saddi reminds me. Thank you for listening and all your positive thoughts and energy for our precious daughter, Saddi. If you know of anyone to pass along the link for the fund raiser we are having to pay for Saddi's surgery and recovery, it would be greatly appreicated if you would forward it along. THANK YOU!!!

Rici