There is a certain cruel peace within my heart. In one day, August 9, my best friend, the love of my life and my inspiration for love and happiness was taken from me. My heart and life completely shattered. Everything I knew, everything that gave me hope, everything that gave me comfort was now out of focus. But at the same time, the very special bond that SADDI and I share has given me a comfort in these many days since she was taken. Of course I still fall apart and cry often, but I feel a sense of protection still by SADDI. It is difficult to explain, more difficult for most to understand, because they have yet to be honored to have found their soulmate as I have in SADDI. With her gone now, I know my life, nor I, will ever be the same again. I wish people could just understand that and stop expecting me to easily jump out of this depression. I wish people could stop being so cruel and encouraging me to go out and get another 'dog' as if SADDI's life didn't matter and I could exchange my emotions so easily. It's not going to happen and it is likely never going to happen. I miss SADDI so much. We shared and went through so much together, no one knows how much hell we struggled through, but always had one another to make everything feel safe and ensured that hope stayed alive. I miss that feeling now that SADDI isn't here to cuddle with. But at the same time, as I attempt to pick up the billions of pieces from my broken heart, I can still feel SADDI, because of who she made me. Our love didn't die on August 9 and it never shall. I know when my time comes, I will be lifted to the stars and reunited with SADDI once again. When that day arrives and you hear of my own passing, look up into the night sky and you shall see the most amazingly bright star, because one will have become two again. I wish everyone knew this kind of fulfillment of love, truth and friendship within their own life and heart. I wish everyone had the honor of knowing SADDI because for me it is the greatest thing that ever happen to me. I love, celebrate, honor and miss you so very much SADDI. Thank you for making me and my life so much more beautiful.
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