... alone at Christmas ...

It's just another day, no special meaning or desire to celebrate. It's just another day apart from my SADDI. Family and friends are gone, their selfish beliefs breaking hearts. Creating a distrust for any humans to ever enter into my life. Cruel people who use 'God' as their reasoning behind betraying someone they claimed to love. Friendships brought to an end by their failures to be compassionate when a friend was needed the most. There was a time none of this mattered, as SADDI and i always had one another and didn't need the negatives others brought to us.

This year, 16 months after my beautiful SADDI was taken from me, nothing much had changed. No feeling for the holiday, though i have tried. Cards sent out, few received. Purchased material gifts for Devon and asked only for a drawing of SADDI and i together. Instead, i received a sweater. Battling pneumonia, my sleep has been limited, so i awoke early Christmas day morning and waited the hours before starting a special breakfast for Devon. Upon waking up, instead of a hug or acknowledgement of the day, Devon went to straight to the computer to update his games and check his e-mails. Enough was enough is enough. After giving him breakfast, i had to be out of this cold old house and find a place for peace. But with no money, friends or family, i had no where to go but to sit in the lobby of the hospital across the street and try to do some writing. All i could really do was cry.

Just another day. Like every other day. No holiday. Just another day without my SADDI.