thinking

... i'm seated on the front porch, drinking my Tang while listening to the rain falling upon the leaves and plants that fill our front yard. We're very blessed to live in a fairly quiet neighborhood, the only other sounds to be heard areof a passing car and in the far distance a soccer game at the high school. There is a slight chill, but it can be ignored by the fresh scent of the rain and the abundance of wild plants within our yard. The birds are helping themselves to the feast i have left out for them, the hummingbirds enjoying the sweet water while the squirrels hop along the damp grass in search of their own goodies. As usual, i am feeling very reflective, daydreaming of how i wish life could be instead of its reality. i pause to enjoy the diversity of colors within our yard, always impressed by the incredible artwork of Mother Nature. This is a moment, a memory, i will take with me and share with SADDI when i see her again. My mind foolishly and painfully allows me to visualize seeing SADDI sitting on the porch with me now. Knowing she would be happy and comfortable laying on a blanket near me, no where near the raindrops, with her attention focused on seeing the friendly squirrel who always climbs up the steps when i come out each morning with my first cup of hot coffee to fill my lungs with life. SADDI would like it here. But i return to my reality, knowing how life has given me yet another obstacle, though this one not to be won. All i can do now is cherish these precious quiet moments where there is no pressure placed on the struggles of my beating heart. Quietly plotting how i can leave a positive mark upon this world through my errors and journey. Today, i question if my sharing has any impact at all, upon anyone. But i cannot allow those thoughts to halt me from inspiring others in the tomorrow's i will be unable to see. Only now is all i have and with that i must, with any ounce of energy left within me, ensure that i am doing as i encourage others to do ... seize EVERY moment.