i've been crying a lot lately. My mind has been filled, as have been my dreams, of a bullet passing through my brain. Many thoughts of what death and what i will feel, if anything at all. My depression has become overwhelming and clearly no one in my life understands or truly cares.
My belief is that i cannot take my own life because suicides go elsewhere, which would mean i wouldn't see my SADDI again. And that is all i want, and need, to be with her again. So everyday i live through the loneliness, the overwhelming emotional pain, just waiting for the day that i do not wake up on this earth, but finding myself reunited with SADDI.
There was a time when i had such vivid dreams of where i wanted to be, but i allowed those dreams to escape me by not working, or even putting in an attempt, to make those dreams reality. Now it is too late, though some would disagree. But it is. i no longer have the passion or the energy to dream or even to live. It's easier for me to help others with their own passions and dreams. Yes, i am guilty of wasting my time on this earth.
i awoke this morning crying. Crying because i awoke this morning.
ric berrong
September 2, 2014
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