February 2, 2015

Devon grew up without the support or encouragement he deserved or any child needs.  That cycle continues in how he often talks to me.  What he thinks is cute or funny, is very hurtful to me.   i've cried enough in my 52 years, because i have always been treated like this.  i know he loves me, but his word hurt me.  He knows it, but there is never an apology, only silence.  Yes, i did not get him a birthday gift, mainly because of our limited budget but i did bake him a cake and arranged for some true friends to gather and celebrate with him.  But how many times is he going to remind me that i didn't give him a 'gift'?  i have never said anything about not receiving a gift or even a card on my birthday or that even though i was sick, i had to make my own birthday dinner.  This isn't just about Devon, but about most people.   So easily they can ignore, belittle, disrespect and pretend to be friends to me.  If they need anything, that is really the only time i see or feel their friendship.  For whatever i did in a past life, and how i let SADDI down when she had cancer, i know i deserve my loneliness and sadness.  i just wish people could look at how they are towards others and break the cycle of being cruel.