Tuesday after our first anniversary and i am home along for a few days ... again. Devon is off with his friends (he says).
We went out to dinner for our anniversary, the same place we went after we were married ... The Crab Pot. A miserably hot day and i was already not feeling well as the heat drains the energy from my already failing heart. i was also upset that everything i say to Devon has to be repeated because he is either not listening or has his music playing so loud in his earphones. It gets really tiring to repeat everything.
i wonder how many other married couples have a spouse who goes off, sometimes at the last minute, and be gone for a few days. It certainly doesn't help my confidence or depression ... making it worse, he doesn't care.
He's always claiming he wants to get a job but that's not easy to do when he is gone so often or does make the time to seriously look for a job. And why should he have to worry, i pay the rent, all the bills, the groceries (which i always do the shopping alone), i clean the house, wash the clothes and the dishes, cook his most of his meals and tolerant his mood swings (though he claims i'm moody, but he never considers how his actions and behavior have an effect upon me).
So i guess this is the new normal for our life and i am the one expected to change and accept it. But honestly, i didn't get married to be so alone.
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