For over the past three years i have been battling to save my foot from diabetes. It always seem to be something new that keeps me in a cast. Currently i seem to be leaking a lot of fluids, in-between my weekly cast changes. The smell is horrible. And as i walk around the house, i leave a moist trail.
At a changing a couple of weeks ago, the moisture was so bad the doctor worried an infection might have gotten into the bone ... which would have resulted in the amputation of my foot.
So far so good.
That same day the doctors nurse was telling me how much better off i would be if i had the foot amputated. i asked he to stop. Then she stood in front of me, inches from my face telling how people live normal lives. i begged her to stop, she moved away but kept 'preaching' at me.
In these three years i have been in the hospital 21 times, one of those times i was in for 5 weeks. i rarely go anywhere. Just sitting on the sofa battling my depression. When i do go out, i get tired so easily from my heart issues and dragging the weight of the cast.
i understand why Devon doesn't want to spend much time with me, i'm holding him back.
i haven't ate for two days because i don't want to stand on my foot too much, except to go to the bathroom. The depression weighs me down so much that i have been sleeping a lot.
It's the middle of summer and i am stuck inside. Once a day i open the front door for a few minutes just to get some fresh air.
All these hospital and doctors visits, i am so heavily in debt. Even if i lived to be 120 years old i still wouldn't have everything paid off.
My life the past few years has been so pathetic and i'm dragging Devon down with me.
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