It’s been almost a year since the amputation. The day after i was told i would be walking within a month and able to audition for ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ within a year ... despite suffering from white guy rhythm.
- Well, i’m not walking. i’ve basically spent a year by myself, inside my very dangerous thoughts, with no sign of when, or if, i will be able to learn to walk again. i had six weeks with my prosthetic because a very minor wound became infected. Now i’m attached to a wound vac 24/7. My neck is sore from having to carry it around with me everywhere and i wake up several nights at night needing to roll over, but fearful i will get my other leg wrapped in the tubing.
- i don’t and really can’t leave the house. For fear of falling and i am just not strong enough to go very far with my walker. Recently i had a doctors appointment, as i was “walking” to get to the uber, i fell. The driver didn’t want anything to do with me, so he drove away, leaving me on the ground.
- i no longer cry, just too tired and what’s the point anymore. My days are spent sitting just inside the front door, feeding the squirrels, waiting for the mail, watching life passing quickly by and battling negative thoughts. A battle i am not winning.
- Except for my weekly visit by my nurse, occasionally and briefly my neighbor and my squirrels who i have to bribe, i have had only one visitor. Many times i forget what my own voice sounds like. Devon is away quite a bit, i can’t stop him from living, but i wish he could realize how difficult all this is for me. But i guess i have to realize how difficult it is for him as well.
- An entire year of my life is gone. Four seasons. i have seen every episode of Law & Order and Leverage ... a couple of times. i watch Dr Phil to make me feel better about my own life.
- i’m not seeking sympathy ... i feel sorry for myself enough. What i do seek is for anyone reading this far to appreciate your life. The simple things you do daily, that you take for granted, appreciate you can do them. Or that you have someone or many someone’s there for you and with you. It’s easy to take things for granted, but we shouldn’t.
- i started a Facebook and Instagram page to share positive thoughts and energy. Something to share with others and hoping to inspire myself. It has a limited audience and i wonder why i even continue with it. But if i give up on it, i feel am giving up on myself. And i am really trying, struggling, not to do that. i send out postcards of my photography and a positive quote to people who appreciate them and addresses i have found of people i don’t know. They wont know it came from me, as i don’t seek praise or attention, all they know is it came from SAISARunlimited. i know we all have our lives to live, and in this world today, living is truly a precious gift. But if you can, try to remember every moment of every day to Celebrate Life. Every now and then, stop, give thanks. Our time on this earth is too short to waste it on being selfish. Leave a legacy of TRUTH, HOPE, LOVE, PEACE that the future can thrive on.
HELP i've fallen and i can't get up
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment