7 years later

7 years ago today, my heart shattered into a billion pieces.  7 years ago, as she took her last breathe of life, SADDI lifted her paw and placed it on my hand.  Even in her last moments of life, SADDI was taking care of me.

My heart has never recovered, nor will it ever.  Times and life goes on, but i am forever devoted to this amazing spirit that entered my life on May 10, 1996.  Not by my choice, SADDI picked me.  Though i live in many regrets from my own life, i never regret the day SADDI sat on my foot and looked up at me.  i picked her up, she put her head against my neck and so we began a 13.5 year journey.

SADDI battled cancer for 8 months.  She was always brave and never lost her chow stubbornness or her lab loyalty.  SADDI loved Devon and i so much and that love was always returned.

On this day, 7 years later, the feelings and emotions are just as strong.  An hour never passes that a beautiful memory of SADDI flashes within my mind.  A day never goes by that i don't cry, missing my best friend.  But those tears fall pass a smile, because my memories of our life together are so cherished.  

If there is an after life, i hope to be greeted by SADDI with her barking at me, as she did every time i came home.  Or even after i just came back in from getting the mail.  It always felt like her way of telling me she didn't like even a moment without me.  And as SADDI barked at me, i would playfully chase her through the house.  She would always run to the bed, where i would toss the blankets over her as she struggled to get them off.  And when she finally did, there was that beautiful smile.  A smile i think about a lot, as i have lost my own.

i feel so guilty that because of my own health issues, i am unable to leave the house to honor SADDI by finding homeless doggies on the street with their humans.  Offering them treats and water.  i do so not for glory or personal attention, but to see the smile on the doggies face, knowing they are loved and cared for.  My life never had any meaning or purpose until SADDI picked me.  Now, my purpose and meaning is to honor SADDI by helping other doggies.  SAISAR unlimited foundation is my way of letting the world know SADDI and how she taught me to be a better human.

i love SADDI so much.  Even after 7 years, it has never faded.  Even after 7 years, i miss her even more today.

August 9, 2016