As the situation within my life become more and more scary, financially, physically and emotionally, all i am able to do now is attempt to combat them with something i should have done years ago. No telling where i would be today had i learned this lesson way back when.
Diet and exercise and meditation.
To save electricity and cut our electric bill, i only have the TV on a couple hours a day. Before, i would leave the TV on even when i slept, it actually helped me to sleep. i would rather loose sleep than not be able to pay the electric bill.
But with the TV off, i am focusing on an all day exercise program. For the first time in my life, i'm really pushing myself. Instead of stopping when i felt tired or some strain, i push myself even more. Of course, since i am limited in what i can do being in a chair, i try to push in area's i am able to focus on.
In the past, i would always quit when i didn't see instant results. But the slow healing process of my wounds has forced me to find patience. Something i am not very good at.
My history has always found me going to food when i needed comfort from reality. Today i pick up my weights or do my side twist and leg lifts.
With a third mouth to feed in our house now and just my limited workers insurance (which could be gone before i am able to go back to work), my diet is extreme also. A package of 6 peanut butter crackers, a boiled egg and an apple per day. Lots of water ... coffee too. If my blood sugar gets low, as often it does now, i take a spoon full of peanut butter or 3 M&M's, instead of the entire package.
As a diabetic, they do a 3 month look at my blood sugars ... A1C. When i didn't care about my blood sugars, i ranged around 11 or 12. Infection in my foot didn't help much, but neither did my unhealthy diet. A month ago, with my most recent infection included in the number, i was at 7.3. With my morning blood sugar numbers being as low as they have been, i look forward to see my A1C number being below or around 5 in October. (A person without diabetes has numbers around 5 ... a person with diabetes, with a proper diet, is normally around 6.5 - 7)
Keeping my blood sugar level is helpful to my healing as well. The wound vac i wore for over a month helped the healing so much, but now it is all up to me and the care of my nurse who visits 3 times a week. i just have to make sure i don't fall, which i normally do when i attempt to use my walker. My nurse insist that i no longer fall, she has to do a report on my each time i do.
My goal, since a year ago when i had the amputation and everyday since i have been trapped at home, is to be able to walk again. And work. Oh how i want to work again. And how i need to work again too. i want to feel useful again. Sure i do all the cooking, cleaning and send out positive energy for others, but i want that feeling again of earning and deserving a salary. i'm so tired and depressed feeling useless. Of watching people walk past the house and seeing people posting living their lives online. i can't even get onto my front porch without the fear of falling.
Today, as i thrive as best as i can, i can only hope that i have enough time remaining in my life to live my life as best i can. i owe it to SADDI. i owe it to Devon. i owe it to myself.
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