i've taken a break from social media as i watch my life crashing around me.
The workers insurance we have been struggling to survive on, was taken away from me because THEY lost important paperwork that would have allowed it to continue. Because of THEIR error, our life has been turned upside down.
i have been unable to leave the house for over a year (except doctors appointments). The amputation wound took longer than expected to heal and then the infection wound caused from my prosthetic. My days have been spent sitting at the front door watching life passing by. And now, without an income, watching life come to an end.
i've resisted getting a wheelchair, because i was focusing on walking again. But i have finally given in and made the request, mainly so i can go out and find some kind of job to earn an income. But that has been delayed by lack of concern by the physical therapist who sent in the paperwork. i finally took control over it and should have a wheelchair in a few days.
i've also been really focusing on my diet and exercise, Devon's mom is now staying with us and i don't have the money to feed a third person. So i am making sacrifices.
In the past, when i started a diet/exercise program, i always gave up quickly because i didn't see instant results. Or it was too difficult. Today, i enjoy how my muscles are sore after pushing myself. i'm not really hungry either, but i eat limited meals just to keep my strength. My blood sugar numbers are amazing now that i am caring about myself.
Had i learned all this 30 years ago i wouldn't be in this situation today.
i've only been off social media for about 2 weeks and it is clear i am not missed. So it makes me think i should just go away forever. But i have a positive message to share, though it often gets ignored. i believe that the energy you send out comes back to you. Even though i believe that, i am not seeing or feeling it.
i leave the TV off much of the day, listening to my own thoughts, which is often dangerous. But since i am home alone much of the day, i talk to SADDI. i don't know if she can hear me, but it brings me some comfort. i miss her so very much.
i want to succeed with my diet/exercise and within life, so if SADDI can see me, she will know i am not a complete failure. Though, after 54 years, i have a lot to make up for. i just hope i have enough time in this life to be able to make up for some of my numerous errors. And mostly,make SADDI proud.
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