May 10, 1996, a warm day, we went to a house in outer northeast Portland, where they were giving away chow/lab puppies. i had been only thinking about welcoming another dog into my life. When we arrived, two 10 week old puppies came running out of the house, rolling around in the dry dirt, crashing into tree's and chasing one another. Just as the screen door to the house was about to close, a small black ball of fur, looking like a tiny bear cub, came out, slowly making it down the steps and crossing the yard. The other puppies still running around, but this one puppy came over and sat on my foot. Putting her head on my leg, looking up at me. They said "pick her up", but i really didn't know if i was ready. But i picked her up, and she rested her head against my neck. At that moment i realize, i had been picked and i could not say no.
What i didn't realize that day, but it soon became very clear, i was also rescued that day.
The next 13.5 years were filled with ups and downs, but we always had one another. During the 4 year abusive relationship i was in, SADDI was scared and confused. She'd often would hide in the kitchen. Even though i was still bleeding after being attacked, i knew i had to comfort SADDI. And comforting her gave me the comfort and love that i needed as well.
When i was laid off from a job i really liked, i went home just feeling numb. SADDI was there to greet me. We went for a long walk on that beautiful early spring day. When SADDI started acting silly and wanted to play with a dirty stick, i realized that everything was going to be alright. i didn't need to stress and i should cherish the simple things in life.
When i went into the hospital for a week, forced to leave SADDI at home, alone, after we had just moved a couple of days before, only having a so-called friend coming over in the morning and evening for SADDI. When the friend visited me in the hospital, she brought SADDI. i had looked forward to this reunion all day. The wheelchair didn't fit me and the machine pumping medicine into me kept beeping, i didn't care, i just needed to see my SADDI. SADDI could see me being wheeled towards the door and her curly tail began waging like crazy. She jumped up on me. i received kisses. We went to a different area of the hospital, and i held SADDI leash as i was being wheeled. SADDI kept looking back at me with that beautiful smile of hers. While the friends talked, SADDI and i just held one another, her head resting against mine. After the short visit, i promised SADDI that i would be home in a couple of days, a few kisses and i was wheeled back into the hospital. SADDI cried out, loudly. i just couldn't look back and cried the whole night in my hospital bed, while smelling SADDI's scent in my hands. When i came home, SADDI never let me out of her sight. If i got up to go to the bathroom, she followed me and stood there watching me. Sitting on the sofa, she was always cuddled against me.
We mostly lived a lonely life together, long walks, silly playing and i would talk to SADDI, and it always seemed as if she understood. If i complained too much, SADDI would lift her paw and rest it on my head.
In our last months together, i had to spend a week away in the hospital. At that time, we lived across the street from the hospital. So when i was released, the volunteer took me to the exit, where i said i was waiting for a ride. i lied so he would leave and i just walked the couple of blocks home. i was really weak, but i needed to see my SADDI and i knew she needed to see me. When i got to the house, she was sitting by the glass door waiting for me. Tail wagging wildly. She began barking at me, as she always did whenever i came home. Even if i just left to get the mail. i got into the house, gave her a huge long hug, let her go outside and then i needed to lay down before i passed out. As always, SADDI laid against me, so tightly i couldn't move. Just feeling her next to me, i felt safe again.
In the moment before SADDI died, she lifted her paw, she was so weak, and placed it on my hand. As if to comfort me again. i kissed her ear as i whispered how much i love her. And then she was gone.
i knew that my life would never feel the same and i also knew i had to do whatever possible to honor SADDI. Not for myself, but for the love and devotion she gave. That she taught me. So i started the SAISAR unlimited foundation (Saisar SADDI Berrong is her full name). The foundation provides treats, food, blankets and needed supplies for dogs living on the street with their humans. Often you'll give a homeless human some spare change and you might get a simple thank you. But when i have given treats for their dogs, i have actually had humans get up and hug me. When i worked in a homeless youth shelter, some of the youth had dogs, and they shared with me that their parents had rejected them, kicking them out of the house. Their dog was not only their friend, but their family as well. i understood, because after my own family had disowned me, i only had SADDI and i held her so close.
i don't know how much time i have on this earth, but i am devoted to honoring SADDI and ensuring that our love story is shared. All the praise and acknowledgments need to be given to SADDI. This little silly black bundle of fur taught me how to be a better human, showed me the meaning of love and devotion and inspires me to do for others.
Thank you SADDI.
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