S A D D I

21 years ago, i was rescued.  i tell this story every May 10, and i hope it will linger long after i am gone.

It had been a dry hot spring in Portland.  A family friend had just lost her dog and saw a posting at her local vet that someone was giving away chow/lab puppies.  She knew that i had been thinking about entering another dog into my life, it had been 8 years since.  So she asked me to go, but i insisted that i was sure i wasn't ready.

We got to the house, the mama dog was barking at us.  Out of a litter of 9, only 3 were still available.  The owners opened the front door and 2 puppies rushed out of the house, chasing one another around the yard.  Completely ignoring the humans who came to see them.  Just as the screen door was about to close, a small black ball of fur walked out.  Made her way down the steps of the porch and crossed the yard.  Her brother and sister still running around.  Creating a low dust cloud from the dry dirt.  But this little puppy didn't care and walked directly over to me.  She sat on my foot and put her head on my leg, looking up at me.  Our family friend encouraged me to pick her up, but again i insisted i wasn't ready.  After some hesitation, i bent down and lifted her up.  She instant snuggled her head against my neck and at that moment i knew that the choice was made ... she picked me.

For months, i already knew her name would be Saisar (to seize in French).  But i couldn't see myself calling out that name at a park, so her middle name became SADDI.

On the ride home, she sat next to me, leaning her tiny body against mine.  She got sick from her first car ride.   But when we got home, she was ready to explore her new big yard.  i chased her around the yard, tickled her and just let her get use to her new home.

She had never had a bath since she was born, so i took her inside and placed her in the kitchen sink.  Once i turned on the water, she stood up on her back legs, digging her sharp front paw nails into my chest, as i washed her.  She cried and wanted out of the water as quickly as possible.  When we finished, i got a white towel to dry her off.  But she was scared of it, so i had to get a blue towel.

i decided to take my own shower, so i closed the door and began showering.  SADDI stood outside the bathroom door crying so loudly. Wet, i stepped out of the shower, opened the door and she sat there, calmly, watching me shower.  That night, i laid down to sleep. SADDI sat at the end of the bed crying.  i told her to come up, because this was her bed now.  She jumped up onto the bed, gave me a kiss and then laid down on the pillow next to my head.

This was the beginning of our 13.5 years together.  i miss her so much.  A day never passes that i don't cry because my heart is so broken that she is not here.  But i smile, often, during the days thinking of her.