a promise to SADDI

Waking up the day after SADDI died, it felt as if all of life had ended. Both Devon and i needed space, he went to our old neighborhood to walk in the park we shared with SADDI so many times. i went to the airport to write. When i arrived downtown to catch the train to the airport, i watched people passing me and i wanted to stop every one of them and tell them the amazing being who was taken away from me hours earlier. i wanted to stop people and share with them the story of SADDI and i, the bond that we share and how empty i feel inside without her. People laughing and talking, but i wanted them to stop and know life is less without SADDI here. But i realized, life goes on. Even though the meaning of my life, the one who gave my life meaning was gone, i could see it wasn't so for everyone. i sat in the airport for a few hours writing the story of SADDI and i, tears running down my face, but i needed to capture the emotions i was going through. i couldn't hold in what i was feeling and i didn't care who saw me. 8 years later, as i talk about SADDI, i get emotional. i talk to SADDI when i am scared or as i am doing my work out along Alki. And i don't care if someone see's my emotions. While i sat at the airport, i thought a lot about how am i going to go on without SADDI. i realized that i had to devote the remaining moments of my life to honoring her and everything she taught me. In my head, the SAISAR unlimited foundation was formed. Never do i seek attention or praise for myself, it's always directed to SADDI, because without her guidance, i wouldn't be the human i am today. Unlike Devon, i have no gifts or talents to share with the world, i have a promise to SADDI to share positive energy and unselfish kindness to the world.