... one year ago ...

This is the last picture taken of SADDI and me.

Look carefully and you will see SADDI's paw resting on my chest.

It was a year ago today, March 17, 2009, that i went into the hospital with what i thought was a serious case of the flu, but turned out to be a near fatal infection. The doctors told me that had i waited one more day to come into the hospital, i likely would not have survived.

For four days, i was too weak to keep my head up for more than 10 minutes at a time. i stayed in bed, unable to eat, freezing cold, despite several blankets Devon had covered me with and sweating from a 103 temperature. The effort it took just for me to move into the living room, drained me so much i had to lay back down where i slept for several more hours.

The entire time i stayed in bed, SADDI laid closely against me. Her back against mine, her nose touching mine, her paw resting on my hand. The only times SADDI left my side were to eat and when Devn took her out for a walk. When SADDI got up to eat, she would always return to the bedroom to check on me. I would hear her taking a few bites and then her nails clicking across the hardwood floors to return to the bedroom. My entire body covered with the thick layer of blankets, only my eyes and nose exposed. SADDI would put her nose against mine, give me a little kiss and then return for a couple more bites before coming back into the bedroom. When Devon would get her leash, SADDI would jump off the bed, but as Devon put her leash on, SADDI kept looking over at me. Devon tried to pull her, but SADDI wouldn't leave until i told her it was okay. As soon as they returned, SADDI came into the bedroom to check on me again, even before getting something to drink or eat. During those four days and nights, SADDI's love and devotion were so strong, but again, it always was, even when she got sick, she took care of me.

i stayed in the hospital for seven days. After being moved from the emergency room, my first room looked over at our house and i begged them to move me. There was no way i could be in that room, looking over at our house and knowing SADDI was there worried about me. Being so close to her and not being able to be with her was difficult enough. Devon visited me twice daily, during lunch and dinner, so i could share my meal with him. He would tell me that SADDI usually sat at the dining room door, looking out the window crying for me. i spent my seven days and nights in that hospital bed crying from the distance from SADDI.

The day i was released, i lied and said i had someone to take me home. They wouldn't allow me to leave unless they felt someone could take me across the street to my home. Devon was working at the gallery that day and i was not about to wait until he got home to be able to go home. i was extremely weak and felt like i was going to pass out as i crossed the busy street, but i knew SADDI was waiting for me and that gave me strength. As i opened the gate, i saw SADDI standing at the door. She began her happy dance as i opened the door. Instantly she began barking at me, with love, telling me how unhappy she was that i hadn't been home. I went to bed, SADDI tightly cuddled against me. When Devon returned home, SADDI didn't leave my side to greet him, she just looked up when Devon came into the bedroom.

This is the last picture taken of SADDI and me. After i returned from the hospital, SADDI's cancerous growth grew larger and i wouldn't allow any pictures to be taken of her. SADDI died on August 9, 2009, as i held her, kissing her ear and telling her how very much i love her. In her last moment of life, SADDI looked up at me, lifted her paw and placed it on my hand. Even at the end, SADDI took care of me.

i miss SADDI so very much. But the love we share lives on forever and every now and then i still feel SADDI near me. Doing what she can to still care for her rici.