Overwhelming

It has been sometime since I have posted on here and it certainly wasn't my choice.

 

After over a three year ordeal with trying to save my leg from diabetes, though I wasn't doing enough to fight, I had my leg amputated below the knee in late July.  After a week in the hospital, I came home with another cast and a fake leg that I couldn't put too much weight on.  Devon had to leave to Chicago for an Asian conference, he didn't want to go, especially after I had just gotten out of the hospital, but I don't want to hold him back.

 

I did okay being home alone.  I was able to cook meals and wash myself, but most of my days and nights were spent sitting on the sofa.  I had a doctors appointment, so i was sitting in a chair at the bathroom sink, when I tried to get up, grabbing the damp sink, I fell down, one leg going one way the other in a different direction.  Basically doing the splits.  I sat there briefly, laughing because I am too weak to cry.  I was able to lift myself onto the chair and finally finished dressing for my appointment.

 

I called for a Uber ride and started to slowly make my way down the steps of the porch.  My first step with my right leg, my "leg" snapped and shifted to the right.  I caught myself and sat on the steps, having 'broke' my leg.  The Uber driver arrived soon after and came over to give me a hand, his eyes almost popping out of his head seeing my leg as it was.

 

 

 

I was able to get into his car and we went to the doctors.  As soon as the cast was removed, I was told I had opened up the surgical area and I was put back into the hospital for three days while they connected a wound pump.  I was then transferred to an adult rehab so I could be watched and keep the wound pump on me to help with the healing. The wound pump was put on me on Sunday and the wound doctor removed it on Monday.  Claiming there wasn't enough drainage to keep it on me.

 

I stayed at the rehab for 20 days, doing rehab twice a day, trying to strengthen my upper body.  Because I had a roommate that needed more attention, I was lucky to get 4 hours sleep a night.  Much of my days were spent in my section of the room, sitting in a wheelchair, curtains closed for privacy, while I did what I could alone to workout out.

 

The physical therapist didn't want me to leave and after an inspection of our house, didn't think it was safe enough, by their standards, to come home.  But honestly, I was sent to the rehab for the wound pump, which was removed after one day and without being able to get any rest or sleep, I needed to come home before I broke down, emotionally.

 

Coming home would certainly have struggles, most of which the added responsibilities I had to put on Devon and getting around with one leg using a walker.  Again, much of my life lately, is spent on the sofa and hopping the few steps to the bathroom.  Being at the rehab has helped my upper body get stronger which has helped me getting up and moving around.  But I do not have the balance on one leg to do simple tasks for myself.  So Devon has had to make my meals, coffee and anything else I need.  I basically need him 24/7, but I can't do that to him.  He's working part-time, on weekends and usually stays over at a friends but it is easier then coming home and leaving again with little time to rest.  I just try to understand, because I believe very soon this role reversal will go back to normal.  Where I am taking care of him, which I enjoy doing.

 

A little over a month since the amputation, the wound is healing nicely.  My blood sugars are under control.  i'm still working out as I sit on the sofa.   It took the removal of my toes and part of my leg to wake me up to the reality I should have embraced years ago.  i'm finally taking care of myself, eating right, exercising and looking forward to the future.

 

Because of my balance issues, I haven't been able to kiss the container holding SADDI's ashes before I leave the house, returning, good night or good morning.  And that bothers me.

 

If all goes well, as it seems to be, I should be fitted for a new leg in a couple of weeks and I assured that life will return to "normal".

 

September 12, 2015