i was just starting too feel positive and hopeful about life. i was finally taking charge of my life and health. Giving myself obtainable goals.
But after being told by Devon that he, his family and friends think i am a horrible person, i honestly don't care about anything anymore. Why should i? No matter what i do and give, people who don't even know me are judging me and telling lies about me.
On June 20, 1998, i was in a relationship Jaye Sablan. He moved in with me on Christmas day 1997. He decided to have a surprise birthday party for me. While i was at work, he stayed home (claiming he suffered from OCD) and made invites to my party on the computer. The front of the invite said 'it's my baby's birthday'. When my aunt Betty Mulkins received her invite she felt it was inappropriate and decided not to attend my party. She called my mom and told her. My mom called Jaye who became so upset he told me about the party. She did not attend the party, neither did her daughter, Corrina Reagan and her family (not even a card). Her other daughter, Melinda Staples and her husband Jeff, did attend. (Melinda and i use to be very close. After her dad had died, i gave her away at her wedding) i sat next her and thanked her for coming. Glad that she didn't see it as "inappropriate". She got upset, stood up and began yelling at me. Telling me they were tired of me shoving our being gay down their throats (even though when there were family gathers, Jaye and i never sat next to one another or even talked about our relationship. Though many times, Melinda was sitting on Jeff's lap and kissing one another). Melinda said she was tired of my mom putting down her mom. Which wasn't true. All my life i heard aunt Betty judging my mom and giving her dirty looks. Melinda and Jeff left. i did as well, walking around the trailer park my mom lived in. Tears running down my face, Jeff and Melinda drove past me and showed no compassion.
i haven't talked to them since ... nor do i want to. i did receive a Christmas card from Corrina a couple of years later that was three pages telling me i am going to hell because of my lifestyle and unless i accept Christ into my heart. Basically shoving her CHOSEN beliefs onto me.
In the years that followed, Jaye became very abusive. Physically and emotionally. One night, for no reason, he began hitting me with my camera tripod. He'd sit on the side of the bed waiting for me to wake up and he would tell me i was fat. He broke up with me on July 4, 1999, but continued to live with me while i paid all the bills and bought all the food. He briefly had a job, but never offered to help out. He used the money on clothes and CD's. He saw different guys during this time, but always said he wanted me to wait for him while he explored other things. i foolish did. Whenever he did see someone new, he became even more abusive. One time in his rage, he turned around and kicked SADDI. Not even caring if she was okay. Any time there was a fight, i would leave the house with SADDI and he would stay. Which was so stupid since i was paying for everything, he should have left. Finally on October 31, 2001, i learned he was seeing someone new and i was not about to see SADDI and i suffer. i kicked him out. The day before Thanksgiving he came back and took all his stuff, leaving behind everything i had given to him. He knew i had no one in my life, so i spent the holiday alone in tears. (In the years since, Jaye has gone around telling lies about me, turning people who don't even know me, against me. And his lies have spread now to others who are spreading them)
On January 3, 2000, i had called my mom to tell her about the new job i had. But a man answered. i had no idea who it was. i called for the next few days and finally reached her. i asked who that was that kept answering her phone. She said calmly, "Wayne". i questioned if he was a handyman, she said no Wayne, her ex-husband who she had divorced in 1972. When he left, he and his son loaded everything he could possibly fit into his truck, leaving us with nothing. Except for the bills. One of which, the car payment which was in his name. Within a few months the car was repossessed. Wayne, who suffered from schizophrenia. He went into a state mental hospital several times. We would visit him, which was difficult for a 10 year old. When he was sick, he was physically abusive. His son, who lived with his, sexually abused me. My mom told me that she and Wayne were getting back together. i vowed at that moment never to speak to my mother again. (when Wayne left, he took pictures and home movies that included my grandmother, Alpha, who had died in 1968. During the divorce, all my mom asked for where those items. Even though we were left with nothing. Several months later, my mom received a package from Wayne. He had cut up everything to where it was basically confetti). When my mom decided to go to Yakama Washington with Wayne, she called about the things i had stored in her trailer. i said i didn't want to see her or Wayne. She showed up at my apartment one day with a box of some of my paperwork and a small car Wayne and i had built together. Everything else, several boxes, she donated. She knew i didn't want to hear from him, so this act was just so cruel. That Christmas she sent me a car with a picture of her and Wayne. i ripped it up. She sent other cards, without a return address, but i just threw them away.
i had two women i thought were my friends, but they betrayed me as well. One, Linda Hunter, who i shared many time with, knew i wanted nothing to do with my mom. But when SADDI got sick in 2002, Linda told my mom and then my mom sent a card. Linda had also sided with Jaye, even though she knew Jaye had been abusive towards me. We haven't talked since.
The other, Helen Robinson, even took care of SADDI when i was in the hospital. We were always close. But when SADDI died (August 9, 2009), Helen distanced herself from me. Saying it was too difficult for her to see me sad. We haven't spoke since.
And now Devon, telling me that he, his friends and his family, are saying i am a "horrible" person, i find no reason or feeling to go on. i believe when we commit suicide, we go t a different place (like in the wonderful Robin Williams movie 'What Dreams May Come). If it is possible, i want to see and be with SADDI again. So until i die, i will just go through his life feeling betrayed by everyone.
This is my story. The truth needs to be told, as there have been MANY lies told about me.
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