Without an apology for saying how he (Devon), his friends and his family think i am a "horrible" person or for saying that he will likely leave me, it has been rather silent in our home the past few days.
With his upcoming fashion show, i have been pushed away from doing or knowing anything. In the past, i have helped to ensure DEVONATION had a successful show. Even though at the end of his show, Devon thanked people who came in at the last minute and completely ignored me.
My heart is so damaged.
i see no reason to go on.
Even with my health issues, i have given him 100% of me ... but it's never enough.
In the past i would always give in and talk to him, but never getting an apology from him. Only to be yelled at again. i just can't do it this time, because i am stealing from myself to do so.
i have always been here for him ... while others come and go.
No one knows how he belittles me or the cruel things done and said to me. The dirty looks i get when i try to talk to him.
Devon is even becoming one of those cruel people judging me for my love and devotion to SADDI. But in reality, she remains the ONLY one who has stayed true to me.
i never thought, at this stage in my life, how alone i would be.
It has been a hard lesson to learn, but a reality, giving without expecting anything in return is a must to living. Most people in life are takers, not realizing what they are doing. Or not caring.
i see no reason ... i feel no reason ... there is no reason to go on.
ric berrong
October 17, 2015
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