... the power of SADDI ...

There is a certain cruel peace within my heart. In one day, August 9, my best friend, the love of my life and my inspiration for love and happiness was taken from me. My heart and life completely shattered. Everything I knew, everything that gave me hope, everything that gave me comfort was now out of focus. But at the same time, the very special bond that SADDI and I share has given me a comfort in these many days since she was taken. Of course I still fall apart and cry often, but I feel a sense of protection still by SADDI. It is difficult to explain, more difficult for most to understand, because they have yet to be honored to have found their soulmate as I have in SADDI. With her gone now, I know my life, nor I, will ever be the same again. I wish people could just understand that and stop expecting me to easily jump out of this depression. I wish people could stop being so cruel and encouraging me to go out and get another 'dog' as if SADDI's life didn't matter and I could exchange my emotions so easily. It's not going to happen and it is likely never going to happen. I miss SADDI so much. We shared and went through so much together, no one knows how much hell we struggled through, but always had one another to make everything feel safe and ensured that hope stayed alive. I miss that feeling now that SADDI isn't here to cuddle with. But at the same time, as I attempt to pick up the billions of pieces from my broken heart, I can still feel SADDI, because of who she made me. Our love didn't die on August 9 and it never shall. I know when my time comes, I will be lifted to the stars and reunited with SADDI once again. When that day arrives and you hear of my own passing, look up into the night sky and you shall see the most amazingly bright star, because one will have become two again. I wish everyone knew this kind of fulfillment of love, truth and friendship within their own life and heart. I wish everyone had the honor of knowing SADDI because for me it is the greatest thing that ever happen to me. I love, celebrate, honor and miss you so very much SADDI. Thank you for making me and my life so much more beautiful.

missing my SADDI so much

:::S:::I:::G:::H:::

I miss you so very much SADDI

People have moved on with their grief and support over SADDI's death on August 9, 2009, but it is still very much with me every moment of each day. I cannot step out of my depression and start dancing around in enjoyment of life as many want me to do. Don't "wallow" in your depression I was told by someone who should know better. Why? Am I not allowed to feel my emotions? Excuse me, but the love of my life, my baby girl, died in my arms, should I not be depressed? Should I not feel an overwhelming emotion of sadness over SADDI's death? Of course I am honored and blessed to have 13 1/2 very special years with her, but I want and need more. I am just shocked at how cruel people can be in what they say or how they believe I should be feeling. People have moved on with their lives, but a huge piece of my own life was taken from me, please allow me to feel that emptiness. Please allow me my emotions. I miss SADDI. I love her so very much. To not have her actually here is so difficult for me to accept and handle. SADDI will forever be my lives inspiration, but having her here always made me feel safe, protected and so loved. People don't understand because they have not experienced the beautiful love in their own life that SADDI and I share. All I can do is distance myself from those who thrust their careless comments at me and focus on honoring SADDI's life and looking forward to the day when I am finally and happily reunited with her.